Feeling better

Got up and did my workout and I am feeling pretty darn good. Getting ready to cook a pot of chili and head to my mom's house, have dinner and pick up my kids. It's been a peaceful weekend. It's windy up here and I love it. Got my feet up sitting on the couch not sure what to do with myself. Everyone goes back to school tomorrow and I will start getting that ready once I get home. I want to try meal prep in advance. Depending on how things go once I get home I will get that done. I need to write a list of all the things I need to do this week, but I think I will do it day by day. In chill mode!!

Feeling a little better about myself

Completed my second workout, did 2 hours. Now I'm tired as heck, about to get in bed and knock out. My brain wanted me to quit, but I stuck with it. I'm glad the gym wasn't crowded as it was yesterday. Maybe I should go at night instead of waking up early...we shall see.

That was hard

I'm bout ready to give up. I backed it of my arm routine. To punish myself I did 10 minutes on the stairmaster and damn near collapsed after. That thing took a lot out of me. Looking around the gym I just felt insignificant. Like I'll never met my goal. I look okay....not like I did asset my heaviest but still. I'll come back tonight with a better plan. Maybe at a time not many people will be here so I can focus. My confidence is shot right now. I know doing something is better than just sitting on the couch stuffing my face....but...I'm really hard on myself, so even though perfection is not attainable, is I'd to get close.

ARGHHHH!!!

Frustrated! I've been exercising and eating better and I have not had any significant weight loss. I am going to measure instead. Maybe I am losing inches. This makes me want to take drastic measures. I'm already only eating one meal a day. I replace breakfast and lunch with shakes and I eat three healthy snacks. What am I missing? What am I doing wrong? I am very discouraged right now, but if I don't do anything I will just stay where I am. I'm seriously losing my motivation. When I was depressed two years ago and going through all that stress, it seems like the weight just fell off. Now I am really focused and doing my best and nothing. If I cut my eating to much I wont lose, if I eat to much I wont lose, if I don't exercise I wont lose. I guess i'll just keep going. Reluctantly...

Hindsight

So i've been thinking...I recently got asked out on a date. I said yes, and I am going to go but I seriously do not see myself in another serious relationship. I just don't really trust men like that anymore. They are either gay and acting like they are straight, or they are assholes, liars, cheaters, lazy etc. I am by no means saying I want to be with a chick. I'm just saying that it is going to take a lot for me to want some guy to be in my life on that level. I have my one friend that I hook up with, not really on a regular basis, but we hang, we do what we do and that's it. No expectation, just a few hours of companionship. Men, they are changing more and more these days. They are just so full of shit. Looking back on past relationships I have not had a good interaction with the opposite sex. PERIOD!! In all my relationships I gave my all and received nothing in return, nothing but heartache. Eventually they all realized what they gave up and made an attempt to come back. Once I am done I am done though. I move on! Now I am focusing on my and my family. Trying hard to get in shape, develop my sewing skill and finish my degree. One day I will sit back and look at where I have come from and realize that this is what's best. Men are for friendship, maybe a quick romp, but that is it!

Getting it in

Got my butt of the couch to come work out. Almost at the hour mark on the elliptical. Guess I'll do some weights after this. Was going to go home but I'm motivated, might as well user this energy.

So far so good

2 days into the 2 shake a day change. Its going well. I stayed within my calories both days. Once my body adjust, it'll be cool. I need to step up my water intake. Early workout tomorrow 😀, might sleep in, kids are going to my mom's this weekend. I'll have plenty of to workout

Change

Ready to shut down for the night. I've got an early morning still. Im hungry...or at least I think I am, but I've decided not to let food control me. More fruits and veggies,less processed snacks. I'll find my niche. About to drink some water, have a smoke and call it a night. I will succeed!! I have to

TGIF

Had a great work out this morning. Took 2 days off. Went hard today. I need to start eating better, I have but it's really time to focus on cleaner eating. Even if I end up eating something different than the kids. Excited about my results after a month. Can't wait to see how my body changes

Progress

I'm starting to feel better. More upbeat. Maybe I can contribute that to my daily workouts. I decided to do 1-2 days off. 1weekday and maybe 1 weekend day. Getting up at four is not to bad. I also figured I need to ease up on myself. It's okay if the kids don't match a couple times a week, as long as they have on clothes. It doesn't matter if they miss baths on the weekend. They shower everyday before school. I didn't yell as much yesterday. I was more at ease and understanding. I also set up my sewing area. Need to clean and organize it more, but it looks awesome. Can't wait too dive  in. I have been eyeballing this serger, I really want to get it. But I'm not sure yet.  Time to get the rest of this day in motion.

Promises

Promised myself I'd try harder to get into better shape. Today was my second time getting up at 4 to go work out. I almost didn't do it but I'm glad I did. One look at That picture of myself at my biggest and I got in motion. Feeling the burn they say. Not sure if I want to weigh anymore, probably will just go by the way my clothes fit. Gonna lay here for an hour then get in motion.

Switching my focus

I got up early this morning and went to the gym after debating for 40 minutes about whether or not I wanted to get up and to to the gym. Did some research and decided that it may benefit my efforts to add Whey protein to my efforts. I made a shake when I got home and after drinking about half of it felt extremely full. Supposedly this should help me with my caloric intake, keeping me fuller longer so that I am not hungry all the time. On another note, I have noticed that some of the things I used to enjoy I no longer do. I have been spending most of my time on social media, going to school, and basically laying around. So my focus is now going to be on the gym and sewing. May even start going to bed early and setting an alarm so that I can get up and 4 in the morning to go to the gym. That way I can be back in time to get the kids up and ready for school. I am such a big opposition to myself. Even on the treadmill today I told myself to quit. I'm doing intervals to build my endurance. So I walk like 3 minutes and the run for 2. Then as I warm up I walk 1 minute then run 1 minute until my session is done. Right now I am beat!! Will probably try to lay down for an hour then get on the road.

Starting over

SOOOOOO.... I shaved my frigging head man. I decided to do this after years of struggling with my hair. When I say years I mean pretty much all my life. I want to embrace myself in this state. Hair is so over rated. Men are the worst about it, they claim they want a real woman, then go swooning after Beyonce or some other star who also wears hair. So I said screw it, I am me, I am beautiful regardless. I'm getting used to it...I thought the kids would have something to say, but they really didn't care. I am still in the process of finding myself, and the pressures of society are so hard to shake. I love being a chameleon. I can change my hair and look at my whim, and that sounds great to me. Tomorrow I might feel differently, when I wake up and look at myself in the mirror...I have a terrible self image for someone who comes off as secure and confident. I am working on it. I am not having the results I thought I would working out either. I see a small difference. I looked in the mirror today a saw this thick chocolate sista looking back at me. I said to myself...self, your HOT!! I mean, I'm not as bad weight wise as I thought I was. With that said, my goal in the gym is to tone up what I have. If I manage to lose weight in the process then that's great! Going to go chill and have a smoke. Until next time...me!

Wednesday....yay

Had a minor hiccup yesterday. I ate a lot for dinner. I'm back in the saddle now though. I'll workout after class today. Slow results beat NO results. I'll fall from time to time, but I'm getting back up. I did manage to get a small workout in yesterday though. Now it's morning time, and we must get in motion.

Pre veterans day

What a day, had a hell off a workout this morning. Okay nap, decent grocery store experience with the kids...did my homework for tomorrow's class and now I'm just sitting back relaxing. My son buddy wanted chili for dinner, so I whipped up a nice batch. Dinner was healthy, filing and awesome. We all pitched in.

Snack of the day

I've tried a number of different brands of Greek yogurt, this is by far the best I've had. Trying to find food and snacks that I like and can keep me satisfied is hard. One day at a time I'm going to phase out starch and sugar....not wine though, wine is a fruit lol.

That was awesome!!

I just had and awesome workout. I don't imagine that they will always be that way, but I got through it. I have adopted the motto, "Slow results beats no results." I have been trying to experience life at 100 miles a minute. I really need to slow down, I also need to pick back up my hobbies. I have far to much time on my hands and it's making me mental. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot on my plate already, but I figured if I started back sewing and doing crafts, that could be therapeutic. Today I learned that I need to switch up my workout routine. Not just continuously do the same thing over and over. It makes working out very dull, and a chore. Today I learned I could actually enjoy my time there.  Motivation...I downloaded a couple of pictures of myself at my biggest and my smallest to my phone. Took a look at those before I began, said to myself, this is inevitable if I don't get myself moving. Now I just need to get my nutrition under control. I understand that it's okay to take a step backward, as long as I keep moving forward. My number of days of success will far outweigh my days of failure, and that matters. Just need to find my groove. Going to try to take a nap now, need to clean up a little but I can do that with the kids once they come home. Cooking dinner for my mom tonight, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Sunday

Had a pretty cool weekend to myself. Didn't do everything I set out to do, but still had fun none the less. Trying to will myself out this bed get up and get moving. Didn't workout at all yesterday, should probably go in this morning though while everybody is recovering from there Friday nights out. I got in kinda early, so I've had time to sleep mine off. I imagine the gym will be virtually empty so I can do what need for a thorough work out. Lesson learned for the week....life's not what I think it is. Even in my 30's I have much to learn.

Gosh darnit

This day is going way different than I expected. Thrown 2 curve balls already, but what can I do. Should be finishing up at the gym right now but I'll just have to go later tonight. Do an hour on the elliptical, then home for sleep. Need to study for my algebra test on Thursday...study and pray lol.

Had a little to much fun.

Went to sleep around 1. Gonna pay later I'm sure. I'm tired, but I need to buckle down and handle my business as far as school goes. That's were my energy is about to be focused on. 5 weeks left, in school. Time to handle my biz.