Wtf

I'm in love and I don't know what to do with myself. Can't say anything about it. I don't think I want him to know...

This is old

SOOOOOOO, what do you do when you feel like your in love with someone, but not completely sure of their intent? Only because all the signs conflict with each other and there really isn't a way to tell which signs you should pay attention to. Some signs point to that person seriously caring for you...while others point toward him just biding his time? I don't know how to feel right now. I want so much to believe that this is not the case, but because my heart has been toyed with so many times before I cant. I want so much to let go and just give of myself. But I wont. Wouldn't be the right thing to do. I cant even bring myself to tell him I love him, it's slipped out a few times but I don't think it was caught.

I YI YI, I think what I am going to do is whip out a sheet of paper and weight the pros and the cons of the situation. I'm sincerely making an effort not to trip. Trying to ignore the what if's and just do what is in my heart for me to do. My past is so much a part of me it's ridiculous! I think the best course of action at this point is really no action at all.

STRESS

Good grief, I'm under so much stress it's ridiculous. Sometimes I real feel like not doing anything, but if I don't do it...it don't get done. I'm being stretched in so many directions. Not all of them are bad though. Besides there kids and my carebear...I really don't want to deal with anything else. Those things make me smile. But the other ish.....I can do without. Haven't prayed in a while...I should start back.

Bull shit

I am thoroughly disgusted by the way my day is going. Add to that disgusted by folk who supposedly care for me.

Argh!

Made it to the gym. Legs or shall I say my butt is so sore I could barely sit on the toilet this morning. But I'm here now so let's get it!

Trust, love and other shit

I don't trust anyone completely. I want to but I don't. I want to be able to give myself to my man, completely, pleasing him, encouraging him, sharing with him etc. But I'm not sure I'm capable of doing so. I say, trust until you have a reason not to. But my intuition is spot on. I'm very possessive, I mark my territory. And if you can't hold me down like I hold you down...them they'd no use in even trying. I gave my heart away once and it was mistreated and abused. It was stomped on repeatedly but it just came back. I have an amazing capacity to love, and I doubt want to waste it on just anyone.

Anger

I'm in a fucked up place mentally, bitches think they slick. I don't have time to fuck with anyone's bull shit.

Sunday morn...

Made it to the gym this morning. Empty gym thank goodness. Wrapping it up then home to shower and get back in the bed

Back to sleep I go...go to sleep I'm back

Trying to go hard at the gym, but I know rest days are required. Thinking should I get up and just do cardio for and hour or just chill today Art least and go tomorrow. Yeah, one TRUE rest day then back at it tomorrow. When the gym is pretty empty...cause it's Sunday. 😀 I win lol

Lights out

Did my best to catch up on some homework. Started feeling tired so it's time to knock out. As much as I'm trying not to show it, I miss my carebear terribly...it's freezing cold in the house and it would feel awesome to cuddle up under him. Can't though, so I better get an extra blanket...but it's not the same. 😞

Feeling optimistic

Got up late but still decided to come work out. I figure any time here is better than nothing. Coming now frees up more time later to do things I need to do in the afternoon. So much to do, do little time.

To much thinking in my thoughts

My head is all over the place, all I want to do is go to sleep. I'm going to stay up and do some ab work, just for a little bit. Then to take a sleeping pill and hopefully zone out. Remind myself that with everyday that passes, things get easier.

LIESSSSSS

My day came together pretty nicely, except for the obvious. I have a big problem with people lying to me. It is what it is though and  there aint nothing I can do about that. All I can do is control myself and that's what I intend on doing. Doing shit for me, to keep my mind off all the garbage. Life goes on I guess. It's a terrible shame. I cant be anyone's downtime or side chick, nor "main" chick. I hate it so much.

Blah

Workout done, damn near threw up. Back home, I'm going to sleep. My heads fucked!

Not my friend

This love shit is not for me. It's to unpredictable. I seriously can't fuck with it. I need to stop being so open hearted. Love don't mean me no kind of good. It's best I avoid it like the plague

Sad

I'm fucking sick!! Trying not to cry, I feel so dumb for being this upset. What the fuck is wrong with me???

Love?...me??

I think I am in love, and that scares the shit out of me. I don't want to deal with what I'm feeling right now. I hate that I can be so sappy. So open hearted and loving. There are some uncertainties I don't know how to address. I feel like if I keep inquiring about such things I'll give the impression I'm
in a hurry to settle down and all the fun will be sucked out of what we have now. So far all I ever dreamt of in a man I've found. That scares me...I have to chill out, just wait and see what this turns into.

Feeling pretty good

What a day, trying to get dinner situated and these kids ready for bed. Back to school tomorrow for them so early to bed. Still need to workout and eat dinner but I'm not all that hungry right now. Could go for a nice grilled chicken salad. Waiting on my carebear so we can go to the gym, now I can get help with my form 😀